Bravo! I can relate to the issues you've identified here - thinking of the term I've heard in the gay community, "Gold Star Gays." It refers to gay men who have never been with a woman. I somehow have a lesser "rank" as a gay man who tried to be straight for years.
I'm also reminded of a conversation I had after not coming out until I was in my forties. Telling that story to a gay acquaintance, I noticed he got visibly upset - I was somehow a turncoat for staying in the closet so long.
It's tough to let people live their own stories and paths - it takes some intentional effort to listen without judging.
Thanks for pointing out our role in the problem and solution!